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Jessup, MD - May 2, 2009
by Vern Dernberger
With governments around the globe focused solely on the economic turmoil that
they helped to create, corporate leaders are essentially on their own to make
their way through the economic minefield and lead their companies to greener
pastures. With that in mind, it should be no surprise to our regular readers
that two of the most powerful corporations in the R/C Tank Combat world
are once again squaring off. This reporter has learned that on or
about May 2, 2009 at 10am Maryland-based Tri-Pact Global Industries, LLC
(TPGI)
will undertake a hostile takeover of the Pennsylvania-based
YomamaDyne Technologies, Inc (YT). Unlike most corporate takeovers, however,
which are negotiated in the boardroom, this takeover will be negotiated
on the battlefield.
"It's just good business sense", stated John Pittelli, long-time TPGI
Board Member, "with governments focused elsewhere, we are free to conduct
business however we want. After all, why should governments have a monopoly
on waging wars ... that's just un-American". He further explained that,
"YomamaDyne has been dumping cheap products on our customers for too long
and we need to put a stop to their predatory practices." Mr. Pittelli
then boarded a private helicopter that would fly him a few miles down to
Washington to ask Congress for a second round of bailout money for TPGI.
Doug Conn, President and CEO of YomamaDyne Technologies held a press
conference as soon as he heard about takeover rumors. "I want to assure
all YT stockholders that we are still solvent and any talk of a hostile
takeover is nonsense", explained Mr. Conn, "we are stronger now than
ever before". When asked by a reporter if he could support such a statement
with data, Mr. Conn stated that "I'll be happy to provide you with exact
numbers as soon as we receive the dividend check for our
large investment in the Madoff Mutal Fund." He spent the rest of the
press conference showing photographs from his recent 9 month vacation to
a tropical island which had no communication with the outside world.
Tom Lum, a consumer who has purchased equipment from both companies, told
me privately that "Both companies offer some quality merchandise, but you've
got to be careful what you buy nowadays. I recently bought a highly
marketed electric vehicle from YT and was pleased overall, but it needed
work done on it within a few days of delivery." He explained further,
"It only hit the wall at 25 MPH ... they just don't make them like they used
to."
Steve Tyng, an engineering design consultant who has worked for both companies
stated that, "they both sell overly complicated equipment made out of overly
expensive materials ... a piece of plywood and wood is all you really need."
When asked if he cared which corporation prevailed, Steve said, "no,
not really, my money is safely invested in AIG stock."
Paul Pittelli, a life-long government employee stated that he would
participate in the takeover attempt even though it didn't involve any
government forces, provided that there were the same number of coffee breaks
and at least a two hour lunch period. "I'm sure the private sector will
soon discover how hard it is to conduct a war and keep everything on
schedule", he further explained, "we've been trying for hundreds of years
and are still having problems, especially with that whole media management
thing."
Will Montgomery had the last word on the matter, stating that "These
things have to happen every fiscal quarter or so in order to weed out
the weak companies." He continued to say that, "Sure, lots of things
will be destroyed, but that just increases sales in the next quarter",
as he walked away laughing.
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